Remember Vine? It’s hard to believe, but we lost the six-second looped video app almost two years ago, when Twitter took over and shut it down in October 2016. Since then it’s been sorely missed. The most creative, funniest and most outrageous clips have become enshrined into internet fame as memes and reformatted into YouTube compilations — sometimes lasting hours and given titles like “Vines that cured my depression”, “iconic Vines that changed the world” and “Vines I cannot live without”.
Vines have taken on new meaning and significance — they’re not just funny videos on a dead app anymore, they’re personality markers, they’re veritable cultural moments, they’re something you can send to a friend with simply “u” as the caption and immediately communicate so much. Vines can tell us who we are as people. This is what they can tell us about who we are as astrological signs. You’re welcome.
Virgo
Just like Geminis are branded two-faced and Scorpios are known for their scary intensity, Virgos are probably best known amongst the zodiac for being the biggest know-it-alls of all the astrological signs. Actually, rather than being know-it-alls, Virgos are renowned for their attention to detail, perfectionism and methodical approach to life. But yes, if you see your pub-quiz facts being picked to pieces by someone who seems like a bit of a know-it-all, chances are they’re a Virgo.
Libra
https://youtube.com/watch?v=psxBizrPIxg
Ah, Libras. The most romantic sign of the zodiac, if you know a Libra you know how full their hearts are. They see the world as a truly good place, a fair and balanced world in spite of all humanity’s flaws. They’re kind, they’re gentle. They love harmony and peace. They look at the world and think, I love you bitch. I ain’t ever gonna stop loving you… bitch.
Scorpio
People say that you never truly get to know a Scorpio. Passionate, intense and secretive, they have a curated, forward-facing self that they present to the world, and an (even more intense) secret self that they keep hidden. Even if you’re close to a Scorpio these hidden depths remain unplumbed. They could be dancing around like nothing matters to them, but inwardly they’re thinking profound, provocative thoughts like “we all die, you either kill yourself or get killed”. Such dark souls.
Sagittarius
https://youtube.com/watch?v=_cW-QwnzdI0
Curiosity and an urge to see the world abounds among Sagittariuses, which goes part way to explaining why they’re among the biggest travellers of all the astrological signs. The sign most likely to have travel on their mind at all time? A Sagittarius. Most likely to use the word “wanderlust” without irony? A Sagittarius. But look, nobody can travel everywhere in the world. Not even Sagittariuses have been to Ovoo Javer.
Capricorn
Virgo might be the most obviously pseudo-intellectual sign of the zodiac, but don’t be fooled — it’s actually Capricorn that are the most ambitious and determined of all the astrological signs. While a Virgo might smugly quote you passages from their favourite obscure novel, a Capricorn will stare down any challenge head on — with all the steely-eyed determination of this little boy taking on a very difficult spelling bee round. And just like him, they’ll nail it.
Aquarius
I don’t know who Zach is, but given his unpredictable nature and his stubborn refusal to give up his weird little dance even when it gets him in trouble with the police, I’d bet money on the fact that he’s an Aquarius. The most unpredictable and just plainly odd sign of the zodiac, Aquariuses dance to the beat of their own drum (in this case, quite literally).
Pisces
The most empathetic of all astrological signs, Pisces are sweet little human beings filled to the brim with love. And what is the purest kind of love if not self-love? Like this little guy, who loves himself, even if thinks he looks like “a burnt chicken nugget”, he still loves himself. Imagine being this young and having that amount of emotional intelligence and capacity already! A Pisces if I have ever seen one.
Aries
Aries people are… how shall we put this? A little intense. Not intense in a goth, Scorpio kind of way, intense in a headstrong, impatient, impetuous kind of way. The ram that personifies their zodiac sign sums them up well, and although an Aries would like to tell you that their temper tantrums are passionate, terrifying fits of rage, it’s more accurate to say that when they go off on one they look like children fighting in their dressing gowns. So this fits.
Taurus
https://youtube.com/watch?v=VpNp0zTGEfM
The tendency to be too stubborn for your own good is a trait shared by many astrological signs, but no one indulges this tendency quite as much as a Taurus. Their headstrong, wilful personality is just indicative of how ambitious and determined they are, really, but to everyone else it comes across as being argumentative and opinionated. Then again, I think there’s literally nothing wrong with being opinionated. But that’s my opinion.
Gemini
https://youtube.com/watch?v=vR0cjJkGsBc
Okay, so Geminis get a bad rap, astrologically speaking. It’s widely assumed that because of the ‘twin’ nature of their sign, they’re the most two-faced sign. But it’s more accurate to say that, rather than being two-faced, Geminis just love a gossip. If you want to know what’s happening amidst the intricate inner-workings of any of your group chats, a Gemini is the best person to hit up. They know the gossip before it’s even happened yet. In fact, if they weren’t perfectly matched with this Vine (extended version above because I can’t find the six-second Vine version) the only other that would come close to reaching Gemini-level sh*t talking is the iconic “oh my god, they were roommates” video. You know the one.
Cancer
Emotional and sentimental, Cancers are the delicate flowers of the zodiac, and this can mean it can be difficult to truly get to know them. Other people might be able to bounce off an argument, take jokes made at their own expense and accept well-meaning compliments deftly and with ease. But not Cancers. Their sensitive nature means they can struggle with praise, when really they should just accept that they’re pretty great and for the love of god take the damn compliment!
Leo
Let’s be honest, Leos like to show off. They’re the most extroverted, flamboyant, energetic and egoistic sign of the zodiac. If a Leo makes a Vine, they want to be in it, front and centre, showing their best moves and their precocious rap skills. And they probably look pretty cute doing it, too.
